I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
