I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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