She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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