I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
