I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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