At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
