He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
