I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
