Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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