no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
