Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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