its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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