I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
