the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it glows. i had to have it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
