we're blogging at a bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
