just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
smell my finger.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
