Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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