Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
