what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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