If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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