my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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