He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i out mim tonsoeep
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