I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
