I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize