margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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