if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
