some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
