You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
