Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
