Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
