Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
