Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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