I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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