So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
