I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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