After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
