honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
