i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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