I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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