Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
