oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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