She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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