Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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