i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
