I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
