You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
