I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
