He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
