whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
