I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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