I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
