Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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