i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
