Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
