I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
