oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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