The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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