feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
