i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
