Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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