Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
