They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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