What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
